I didn't feel so bad since C. has left. I just looked at my mobile after a nice and busy day at work. And the only thing I saw was that I just missed five calls of him. I just missed them. My little world stopped for a single second. I hold in, just staring at my phone. I just stood there, staring. I couldn't believe it. It was obvious that I'll miss a call one day. But he had my work phone number, so I didn't expect to miss a call on my mobile during work time. I was not prepared. And I didn't miss one call, I missed five calls in just 30 minutes.
Now there are questions again. Stupid questions, and no answers.
I just missed a chance to speak to him. I missed an amazing chance to hear his voice. It was heart-breaking. It really was. Five missed calls. What if he wanted to tell me something important? What if... well what if? What if it was the last time I would ever get a chance to speak to him? I am not allowed to let that thought just near my mind. Not even close to it. It even is a bloody nightmare without this thought.
The only thing you can do in such a situation is to see the positive things in it. Positive things? Well, it is hard enough to miss a call. But it is even harder if you missed five at all. And if you are not able to call back, it is not just hard, but horrid. You just have to wait. But yeah, if you think about it, there are positive things. First: he tried to call. He misses me. He loves me. He tried to speak to me. He wanted to hear my voice as badly as I wanted to hear his'. Second: he is doing alright. If he's able to call me, he's fine. Third: he'll call back in a bit. At least, I really do hope so. I really do.
I am so sorry I missed your calls. I really am.
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