I never thought it would find an end somewhere. After seven weeks I haven't spoken to him he seemed just as a fading illusion I had a long long time ago. No, he didn't seem realistic anymore. Has he been there once before he left? The border between reality and dream was suddenly scaring thin.
Yes he got back home. But I thought I lost him. The first days of RnR were worse than any experience I had during the whole tour. He spent them back in the UK and under the amount of pressure we both have been under the situation was not like I expected it to be. Well what would you expect when the love of your life gets back for just under two weeks from a war zone and prepares to go back out? I don't know. To be honest, I've lost the hope he would ever come back and see me in Germany.
My mates have been telling me to leave him. Hardly anyone sticked to me and my feelings anymore. I couldn't speak to anyone, I locked myself away for days on end. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. How could I get him so wrong? It wasn't possible. It made no sense at all. Did I waste four whole months?
Follow your heart, and just your heart at all. Never let go what makes your life complete and perfect.
I couldn't be wrong for the past 21 weeks.
I didn't believe he was truly coming to see me until he wrapped his arms around me at the airport. To be honest, I've lost my hope. I never thought I ever would, but it's happened. But then he came and put the faith back into my heart. Yes, it's been extremely hard straight before RnR for different reasons.
But it's this first hug, this first kiss and the feeling of my heart finally being back in my chest that makes me realize now that my worries about him and me were senseless.
When he says to me "God, I forgot how beautiful you really are" or "I never missed you as much as the day before I will see you" gives me all the strength I need now to be able to do the last weeks until his deployment is over. It might have been just 4 days. It might just have been 96 precious hours. But it's been what I've been waiting for the past 21 weeks and yes it gives me my faith, my hope and my strength back. I lost my hope. But now I've got it back it's stronger than ever.
