Before C. went out, I remember saying to my mate "I just wish the first six weeks were already done". Well. Now we are seven weeks into this tour. Seven weeks from 24 at all. Does it get easier? I suppose it should. I suppose I should have adjusted to the whole situation. Maybe it does. Easier? I'm still not too sure if that is the right word for this whole thing. Nothing about it is "easy". Living outside the UK doesn't make it "easier" either. It causes lots of trouble and obstacles to jump over. Not too sure if I always can jump over them swanky, but if not I just have to run it over.
The four letters C. sent to me kept me through the days and weeks with no contact. The letters on their way to me kept me going. But now, I just got to know that they won't get to me anymore. Those little wee parts of my other half can't be delivered. Cheers post service. Cheers Germany. It was always a comfy feeling knowing there is something of C. on its way to me. That some day, whenever it may be, this important and amazing blue letter will be on my doorstep. But now? I know there is nothing. There is nothing from him on its way to me. I can be happy I already got four of those boosts to keep my chin up. I swear I know each of them by heart. However, it's such a negative feeling knowing there won't be any blue letters for me again.
At the moment, everything literally is taking the piss. There's so many things upcoming I just can't sort out even though I try my very best. It's just not in my hands. Everything seems to loose control a little bit. I really hope I will get control of things back soon. I really want to. And I try my very best. I want to do this tour properly.
Whatever might have happened, we are still seven weeks into this tour. That means just five weeks left till we reach our half way point. Which is Christmas.
It's still quite a few days to go till I'll see my other half again. It's always new obstacles upcoming. There will be days after days and weeks with no contact again. But when I get him on the phone eventually, and hear him say "it's amazing to speak to you", I know I can do this. I know I can get through this for him. When he tells me "we will spend every bank holiday together next year" my heart skips a beat and when he says "we will do something so not Christmassy next year's Christmas" I so look forward to it. And when he tells me that he misses me so much I just know that he feels exactly the same way that I do, even though I actually knew it before.
When my phone rings after two weeks no contact at all and it is finally him on the other end, it's just the best feeling you can get during a tour. It really is. And when it is not just a ten minutes phone call but a 45 minutes one it is just more amazing. When the infantry soldier you fell in love with tells you he keeps all your pictures around his so called bed space, you just know that he suffers as much as you do. When he tells you he dreams of you each and every night, your heart grows stronger and you know it is so much worth it to go through. Every single day is worth the suffering, the tears, the fear.
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