Answers and questions

I heard so many things about how it will be to be left behind at home. I heard so many many things about these special six months. 

I asked many silly questions. I got serious answers. Answers that were daunting. Answers that got my hopes up. Answers that scared me or kept me calm. But in the end, all these answers were honest. It is a daunting time. It definitely is, not doubt about that. But after just 15 days, I can already tell it is such a special time as well. Not many couples get the chance to have this special kind of contact and communication. To get to know each other better in a very personal way, but just so many miles apart. If that makes sense? 

Well, we don't have a choice anyway. Of course it would be so much easier if we could just choose who we fall in love with. But I fell in love with a soldier. I had to fall in love with an infantry soldier who is on tour in Afghanistan. So I have no choice. I have to see the positive side of these six months. I have to, otherwise I couldn't cope. 

But as many answers I already got before he deployed, as many questions I have on my mind now. Questions I will never tell. Questions I can barely think about without breaking down. Questions, questions. Stupid questions. Silly questions. Questions that are doing my head in. Questions that are stressing me out big style. But in the end, there are no answers. There seriously are no proper answers, because the experience I made after just 15 days is that everyone can just tell what they experienced theirselves. But you have to experience your own journey. You haven't got a choice. It is so bloody different for everyone. It definitely is. The main thing is: do not count on the answers you get. Just don't. Because it may and probably will be different for you anyway. It is just too easy to get your hopes up. Getting your hopes up for a couple of phone calls every week but it will be just one in the end. Getting your hopes up for many messages but having just a little one a month in the end. Getting your hopes up is just too easy. Better expect nothing, and everything else will be a bonus then.

I got answers before C. left, but I have questions now he's gone. I got my hopes up before C. left, but I learned very quickly in just 15 days. In the end, the only thing you need to have is faith. Just faith. And bring amounts of patience as well. These two things will get you to your inner strength you need. Do not worry a single second about not being strong enough to do these six months. As there is no choice. There seriously is no choice when you fell in love with a soldier. And faith and patience will take you to this strength. I haven't reached it yet. Definitely not. Not after just 15 days. But I am sure I will get there. Because I have faith. And I have patience. Because I just have to. And I will. At some point, I will. Probably not tomorrow, probably not next week. But maybe the week after.