Being in love with an infantry soldier causes many ups and downs, and not just during a deployment. I think four weeks into my first tour, it is a good point to write down some lines about how I experienced the building up to C.s deployment. Ah well, the deployment... we knew about it for months. But the only thing that was missing was an exact date. Exact date? A loanword. Nothing is for sure. We were lucky, as we got the date of departure about two weeks before. Some just get it days before they have to leave. Well, what we got to know days before D-Day was that C. had to work his last day he spent in Germany. They made him work his very last day, this sunny Sunday I spoke about so very often. They made him work his last day he should actually spend with family and friends. They just made him work. Oh well, he's getting the Friday off instead of the Sunday then. That would be quite nice. It would have been, if they didn't decide two days later they apparently don't deserve another day off as the other flight just didn't get another one either. Really? Well, we can't help it anyway. Just get used to the changing dates. Get used to it? Three days before he has to deploy? Just a single question: how? The emotions are all over the place anyway. You just want to spend every single second with your love. You just want to keep so many good memories. So so many memories to get you through the following six months. You just want to enjoy every single second that is left for just you two. But they just made him work on his last day when he actually was supposed to see his friends. They just made him work. They don't deserve another day off because the other flight didn't get one either? They don't deserve another day off before a six months tour full of bloody hard work and living on little food and little sleep? Are you being serious? Well, obviously yes. We can't help it anyway. They said it, so it counts. So, that is the reason why C. and I got up about 0630 that sunny Sunday morning which was supposed to be a really nice day. Well, a nice day for anyone else. It turned to hell for me. I had to take back my infantry soldier to his camp and say this final good-bye to him which I was afraid of for weeks. But I learned not to call it good-bye, but it is "See you soon".
But even whilst they are on tour, no date is for sure. We haven't even got a clue when he will get his leave. They will get to know in the very last second anyway. And even then, I'm 99 per cent sure they will delay it. I'm prepared for a delayed leave now. I am prepared to wait a couple of days or even weeks more than planned. Yes, I am prepared now. But when it comes to that point, I know for sure I won't be prepared at all. As I just want to see him after a long time of separation. I just want to hug him and give him all my love I was just able to give him through letters and parcels during the past couple of months. I just want to have him back so desperately. And that's why I won't be prepared anyway, even though I know for sure it will be delayed.
I don't know so many dates. I don't know when I will see C. next. I don't know when he will come back from his tour. I don't know when I will hear from him next. I don't know so many things at the moment. The only thing I know is that I have to get used to this uncertainty. I have to get used to it, because I love my infantry soldier.
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