An ice-cold heart

I asked for the coldest heart a human could get. I wanted it to make things more bearable for me. With a cold heart, I thought, it would be easier to get through it. To get through a day without wearing a mask. To enjoy every single second without wishing my life away. To get him off my mind and stop the endless worry. Feeling the ice growing in my chest has to make it easier. It has to freeze the tears that fill a whole ocean.

But what I got in exchange was completely different. It doesn’t make things easier. Not at all. Sometimes it makes it even worse. I am able to feel the most overwhelming love. I am able to feel close to C. even though a couple of countries separate our touch. Sometimes I can’t stop to shed tears. But what I feel in my chest is not the coldness of an icy winter day. What I feel is a glowing red circle.

It was for a reason I didn’t get the cold heart. A cold heart would probably make it easier. But a cold heart wouldn’t ever be able to get through it till the very end. A cold heart isn’t able to keep all the amazing memories you need to get through. It’s not able to grow the strength. A cold heart might seem stronger, and yes a warm heart might be easier to hurt. But as soon as it comes to the absolute pressure, a cold heart will easily crack like a wee ice cube, whilst a warm heart will feel a hardly bearable pain.

A cold heart is for the evil and weak. But a warm heart is for the bold. Just a heart of pure selflessness, unconditional love and the patience of an angel can keep you through. It’s easily hurt, but when it’s taken away by a soldier it grows stronger and stronger even though it endures the worst pains.

I asked for an ice-cold heart and what I got was a heart of pure gold.